Noah’s Post-Deluge Diary (the true story)

Noah’s Post-Deluge Diary and Clarification

Introduction: As a child I read and heard all the bible stories. They did not make sense to my child’s mind. As I grew older I realized that pastors and bible scholars tried to lay their own interpretations on me. None of them made sense to me either. Therefore, I rewrote Noah’s story the way I thought it might have happened.

Part I

Having survived forty straight days and nights of rain and 110 more days confined in the Ark under the most terrible living conditions, we finally came to rest atop of Mt. Ararat. My wife Joan was the first to set foot on dry land and was hardly able to walk without swaying back and forth such were the waves and heaving decks during our voyage. My sons and their wives rejoiced having been freed from their animal husbandry responsibilities and enjoyed the fresh mountain air, a pleasant change from the constant vile odor of animal waste, which we had to endure for so long due to the ark’s poor ventilation. I should have included a second window into the ark, but vessel design was foreign to a sheepherder such as was I. We all sat down and watched the waters rapidly recede all around us leaving behind much flood debris and many bloated corpses of millions of unfortunate animals. I never did fathom the Lord’s wisdom in drowning all animal life as they are incapable of sin.

Our first responsibility was to attend to the safe disembarkation of our animals. All went quite well and soon we were watching our voyage companions eagerly amble, crawl, slither, fly, and swim off down the mountain to their new homes. Some had many thousands of miles to travel without food and shelter. I trusted God would guide and sustain them as he had guided them to the ark.

Joan was concerned about the raven that had not returned when we sent it out to look for land several weeks ago. She hoped it survived and would eventually return. God had shared with me the fact that ravens were the most intelligent of all birds, so I had hope it could find its way back to its mate. I shared her concerns and reminded her that one of our doves had not returned either. The world would not be the same without these gentle creatures. We had faith that their Creator would unite them.

Finally, when all the animals had departed, my son Ham appeared on the gangplank with a box full of small clay pots with tightly sealed lids and asked me what he should do with them. I had no idea what they were and had to assume that the Almighty had included them as part of our live cargo without informing me. Upon closer examination I discovered that each pot had a different label, of which we could make no sense. They read, salmonella, schistosoma, tuberculosis, cholera, e-coli, and other names none of us were familiar with. I decided that they had been saved from the great deluge for the same reason the other animals had been saved, and therefor should be liberated from their confinement so they could prosper and multiply in our new world. Besides, we were all curious as to what these creatures looked like. To our surprise none of the pots contained anything that looked like an animal or plant although I knew they must be one or the other. They were filled with assorted powder like substances and clouded liquids, which we threw into the blustery mountain winds and poured into the crystal clear mountain streams flowing down the mountain to all parts of the good earth below. We felt this was the best we could do under the circumstances and trusted God to watch over these unusual life forms.

That evening I thought it best to make a sacrifice to our loving and most caring God. I wished to make Him aware of our gratitude for His generosity and loving care. I had my sons capture several of the recently released animals that had become trusting of us and had lingered around our camp. Reluctantly, I cut their throats and then burned their bodies in a little informal ceremony. I wondered if the Lord would accept the sacrifice of the very animals that he commanded me to save not long ago. I was relieved that he was pleased with the smell of their burning flesh. He promised me that no one would ever again have to build another ark, gather up all the animals and leave family and friends to drown in another great flood. We slept soundly that first night, ready and eager to face the next day, and populate the earth.

Part II

All in all, things went as well as could be expected. I moved my family down from Mt Ararat into a promising area with plenty of fresh water, fertile land for crops and with abundant land for goats and camels. We soon realized that we had no seed for barley or wheat, or for that matter, any other plant. I worried that the grazing animals would not survive.  Our trust in the Lord was rewarded as He provided us with a large variety of newly domesticated crops and an abundance of wild plants for instant grazing so sorely needed by our animals and the other starving creatures that we had released from the great ark. I had concern for the plant-eating animals, as I feared the flesh eaters would devour them before they had the opportunity to bear offspring and populate the earth. My fears were born out, and many animals became extinct. The peaceful female Gubadub was the first to fall prey to lions and thus its mate had to live a lonely life without a mate and offspring. I could only guess that God had some greater purpose of which he had not informed me. It greatly pained our hearts to witness these tragedies that occurred every day. After spending so much effort to keep our animals alive and healthy during their sojourn in the ark it was heartbreaking to see them devoured. Although the lions, tigers, and wolves ravaged the plant eaters and caused many extinctions we understood that they had no choice and were simply following our Lord’s great but mysterious plan.

All of God’s creatures were soon to learn about the tiny creatures that we had released from the sealed clay pots found aboard the ark. These little killers destroyed countless plants and animals by a slow and often agonizing death.  Still I trusted the Lord and his divine wisdom.

Among the seeds that we were instructed to plant were those of a fruit called grape. This delightful succulent was a favorite food for us all during its growing season. In the off- season we enjoyed them in a sun-dried form that was easy to store. As the first tiller of the soil and with my God given knowledge of nature, I experimented with the grape. I pressed the ripe grapes for their juice and recovered its seed for next year’s planting. The juice of the grape was a welcome addition to our normal fare of goat and camel milk. Quite by accident, I sampled juice of the grape, that had been sitting in a jug unnoticed for several months, and found the good Lord had altered its taste. Its taste was very much to my liking. It actually was medicinal in that it seemed to relieve the stress of my full and busy days. I felt the good Lord surly provided this drink to soothe the aches and pains accumulated over my six hundred year lifetime. Thereafter, I routinely set aside a portion of the juice of the grape to age, for my personal use. This habit eventually led to an unusual and disturbing event, which I feel, has not yet been recorded accurately for posterity in the Lord’s book

One unusually hot August evening after I had consumed a generous quantity of aged juice of the grape to soothe my aching body I sought rest in my tent. My eyes grew heavy as they often did after drinking the juice. Prior to retiring I disrobed because of the unbearable heat, and then lay down on my cot to sleep. Sometime that evening, I know not when, while in deep sleep, I had the strangest dream. In that dream, my beloved son Ham came unto me while I slept and performed an unnatural act on me, the details of which I will not elaborate.

The next morning as a crowing cock and the rising morning sun awakened me, I noticed that I no longer lay on my bed as I began the night, for now my nakedness was totally covered by a garment thrown over my body. In addition, the good Lord had stricken me with an unbearable throbbing pain in my head. I took this as a sign from the Lord that my dream was of some significance, for what other possible reason could there possibly be for the pain to have occurred in conjunction with the arousing dream? My fears were confirmed when I inquired about the garment that had been used to cover my nakedness.

My other sons, Shem and Japheth confessed that they had covered me discreetly so as not to see my nakedness. I have often wondered about their story because nakedness was a common occurrence in every day life while we washed together in the nearby stream. Why they would be concerned about seeing me naked, I do not know. However, I did not bother myself with this detail for they told me that they had met Ham as he emerged from my tent. He had informed them that he had seen me naked with my member apparently physically engorged by a dream. They had entered my tent and without looking at my naked body had decided to cover it with the garment. Although I had no actual evidence that Ham had touched my body and defiled my person, I knew the Lord had sent both the dream and the head pain for some purposeful reason which could be caused by nothing else but Ham’s touch.

I trust in the Lord and do not question his mysterious ways. My head pain was obviously a message from the Lord that I must chastise Ham for his probable role in this matter. I summoned Ham to my tent, but in his place came his son Canaan, as his father was in the fields tending our crops. Fearing that the Lord would be displeased that I had not chastised my son Ham, I decided to immediately place a curse upon my grandson instead of his father. Certainly the Lord would approve of my punishment of the son for the sins of the father, as this had been His way since that episode in the Garden of Eden. My curse was that Canaan should be the slave to his uncles and brothers for the rest of his life. His father, Ham who touched me in the dark of the night was free to receive the blessing of the Lord for the rest of his life on earth because his son received the curse meant for him. Strange are the ways of my Lord. Thereafter, my next six hundred years were uneventful and I continued to enjoy the fruit of the vine and watch my family prosper and multiply across the face of the earth.

As a footnote, I should add that the Lord apparently rescinded my curse upon Canaan, for he and his children prospered and inhabited much of the earth. As I have said, the ways of the Lord are mysterious and I cannot hope to fathom the depths of His wisdom and mercy. I feel vindicated of any wrong doing in the light of the afore mentioned confession and this clarification.

End of Noah’s story and clarification.


About cgosling

I am a retired medical/scientific illustrator and creator of patient teaching simulators, who has given up illustration to write about science, superstition, and secular humanism. I consider myself all of the following: atheist, agnostic, secular humanist, freethinker, skeptic, and nature lover. I have several published books but the mass of my writing is unpublished. I write children's fiction, poetry, essays, and several plays and radio theater shows, that are available as free downloads to be used on secular podcasts and meetings. They can be heard on Indy Freethought Radio or on YouTube “secularradiotheater”. I hope some of my writings will be of interest to like minded freethinkers who I cordially invite to respond. I am also a Darwin impersonator. I invite readers to listen to and use the Darwin script for secular purposes.
This entry was posted in God, humor, science and superstition and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s