The Creator Who Designed Ducks
What day was it when the Creator designed ducks?
As I recall, it was the fifth day or was it the fourth, but so what?
It must have been towards midnight after many tiring hours of creative work when the Creator finally pressed the SAVE key before collapsing in exhaustion at midnight of the sixth day. I can’t blame Him for screwing up the Mallard’s reproduction rituals; He was groggy from overwork and lack of sleep.
After all, even His creativity can grow stale. And, we can’t have freshness without staleness, good without evil, can we?
This was just one of those times when a refreshing short nap would have helped the creation process. But no! He had a schedule to keep.
Don’t ask why a divine schedule can’t be divinely altered. The Creator could have easily added a few more days for the creation process. After all, divine mistakes endure as long as divine perfections, for eternity some say.
Ophelia is the poor Mallard hen that visits my backyard pond with her drake friend. They use my little pond for sex. She’s popular with the drakes, but it angers me every time she is attacked; driven under water, hard bills biting into sparse cranial flesh and feather of her beautiful and dainty head.
I still hear her squawks. It hurts me too.
And then the blood; the white skullcap glistening in the sun; bared to the cruel serrated bills tearing away, over and over and over. Bits of feather and flesh float nearby. It hurts me too.
It’s no wonder that ornithologists call it “rape”… because it is. Human courts would give the drakes twenty years for gang rape.
Yes, the Creator designed rape, after all someone had to come up with the concept. And, poor Satan, scapegoat that he is, he can’t take the credit. He wasn’t even created until a thousand years later.
So, it goes on and on in my little back yard pond, in plain view, for all the neighbors to see.
The gurgling stream, the bubbling waterfall, the lily-crested pond, is a beautiful spring boudoir for courting ducks.The big-eyed frogs witness each encounter silently, occasionally diving for cover when the action draws near.
The Wall-Mart feeder goldfish, having “begated” offspring for six straight years still cannibalize their own eggs, after fertilizing them, of course. I don’t think they’d make good witnesses in court.
Each spring the rapes go on, and on, and on, and the irony of it all is, the Creator actually made Ophelia passive; she never defends herself; she never discourages her cruel suitors. I can’t blame them anyway, they have no choice; they’re just following divine orders like she is.
Did the Creator know what he was doing? Mallards seem to be doing fine worldwide. No extinction here. Sexual violence seems to work for them, and chimpanzees… and humans.
Like us, the outer most twigs of on the evolutionary bush, Mallards are survivors.
Yes, the Creator was tired; it was really too much to expect that one deity could do all of creation without a few mistakes. After all, we were made in his image and we make mistakes. I seem to remember that God made a few mistakes, as evident in the scriptures.
Multiple deities could have divided up the work and avoided errors. If so, sex without violence would be universal. Rape would be nonexistent.
Multiple deities would have spared sweet Ophelia the pain, the humiliation of deviant sexual behavior, in plain view of the frogs and goldfish, and me.
I accept what goes on even when I don’t like it. After all, Mallard mating ritual is not immoral or illegal; it’s just the results of a tired deity on a rush schedule. The only other alternative would have been evolution, an impossible story.
The creator needed a short nap to refresh himself. A female creator would have had no such need, and rape would be non-existent.
My take: Evolution is the “fall guy”. All the cruelty in the world is the result of evolution not a deity. Come to think of it, so is all the beauty, all the love, all the kindness. If I were a believer I’d say, “Thank God for evolution”.